Ch. 6 - Paranoia

Content Warning: Vague depiction of a Panic Attack

↓ This is the Audio Companion for Chapter 6!↓ 

Where could 'Ichael have gotten to???

Joshua hadn't even left the hallway of doors and already his mind was racing away with panic. Again, the world was beginning to close off from his immediate senses, but this time...

"Before you do go, I can help you find your +1 again," It'kara said, tapping Joshua's shoulder and almost making him jump from his skin.

He turned to face them and backed away a few inches, trying to keep his face from accurately depicting his fright.

"Wha-- you... you know where they are?"

It'kara took a moment to respond. They seemed to be taken aback from Joshua's reaction. "No, not exactly. But I have an idea of where they are. This sector's public square would be a good place to look first."

They then moved ahead of Joshua, back to the elevator they both came up from, and held the door open for him. Joshua's legs were frozen, and slowly thawed as he tried to move himself cautiously to It'kara's side.

It'kara took care of the movement of the elevator as Joshua quietly continued to worry to himself. Wondering how far 'Ichael could've gone, how big this ship was, if 'Ichael had been taken away.

He was sweating down his neck. He couldn't even tell.

Not even 10 seconds passed before Joshua spotted 'Ichael from the crowd in the square below them, and as soon as the doors to the elevator opened, he darted out in a quick walking gait, not even waiting for It'kara.

If they were calling out for him to wait, he couldn't hear right now. He just needed to get to 'Ichael.

And they did many things to stop them. They destroyed industry, sowed dissent in the ranks of their unfortunate pawns, and raised hell to buffer, and push back their territorial expansion. But, as naive and power hungry as Galvana's 'leaders' were, they were not fully incapable of retaliating. And they took many people's lives with them.

Joshua nearly ran out of reach, both verbal and physical, and before It'kara could raise their voice to call for him, he was out of sight. Nowhere to be found.

It took a lot out of It'kara to not continue calling out for him. This sudden and stressful event felt out of place, and like something out of a fever dream. Or... a bad memory from the past.

It'kara started moving quickly in the direction they saw Joshua moving in last, slowing down considerably when making it past the point where they saw him leave. Thankfully, with their relative height granting them a perspective over Joshua's own, they spotted his dirty-blonde head from the side, down below in the public square.

From there, It'kara moved quickly again, almost bumping into a few people along the way down to the lower level.

Getting towards the center of the square, past another group of people, they found Joshua. He was tightly hugging 'Ichael, in front of Tor'me, and a few other people, consisting of humans, fe'rots and maci'dai that It'kara assumed Tor'me was talking to. As It'kara tried to catch their breath from the exasperation they were experiencing, Tor'me spotted them, with a curious look on his face.

"Joshua!" It'kara spoke out, breathily, coming closer to the group. "You... you didn't have to go so fast!" They tried to keep their tone lighthearted and with a flair to indicate a sense of humor about the situation, despite their confusion and worry.

Tor'me's face became even more serious, questioning the context of their... predicament. All It'kara could do is just give Tor'me a quick glance.

I'll try to explain. Just not right now.

The group of people surrounding them, showing confusion about Joshua's militarized clothes, looked to It'kara. They were stuck in their head for only a second before they gingerly tapped their ear, switching the output language for the translator.

"I apologize. Could we be alone? We just... need to get them home now."

The group, while hesitant, did disperse away from Joshua and 'Ichael. Tor'me, still grappling with his own confusion, approached the two of them, reaching out to rescue 'Ichael from Joshua's tight embrace. "Alright. I'm assuming that you've talked about everything you needed to?" He asked Joshua, who was visibly trying very hard to regain his composure.

His breathing was still steadying as he replied meekly, "Not everything, but... enough for today."

"Wait, you're leaving? There's so much you haven't seen--"

Joshua pulled 'Ichael in closely to whisper to him, and while It'kara was still behind both of them, they could partially overhear what was being said.

"We need to get out of here. Right now."

To say the least, It'kara was only more confused about what they had done.

Everyone made their rather business like goodbyes - 'Ichael's goodbye still managed to be quite personified, endearingly so - and Joshua and 'Ichael rode the pod back down to the surface of the planet, with plenty of sunlight left in the day.

With that, It'kara let out a sigh of relief they didn't even know they were holding in.

"Okay," Tor'me loudly began, as if the sigh was the prompt he needed, "what happened?"

Finally, It'kara's feelings were leaking out. "I don't have any idea. The conversation was focused just on... bureaucratic things, but... the whole time, I could tell that something wasn't sitting right with Joshua. I tried to keep things calm, and not come off as whatever was upsetting him, but... it was like, just me trying to do that was the problem to him."

Tor'me didn't say anything as It'kara gestured, in directions that weren't fully recognizable to them in the moment. They felt like they were in a daze.

Is that what Joshua was feeling?

"Did he just start running after you were done?"

"About as soon as the door to the elevator opened." It'kara's speech slowed down as their body's anxiety was dissipating. All that was left now was the confusion shared between the two of them. "I honestly don't know what to do."

"Well-- hey..." Tor'me said, coming to hold It'kara gently at the lower shoulders. "Maybe having a recognizable face would be better for him. If he doesn't feel so alone in the diplomacy or just, in a room with you, maybe it would be better for him."

...

Bring one of the humans from that desert town to be in the same room as someone working with Galvana? That couldn't be a good idea.

"I... can't ask that of these people," It'kara replied simply, gesturing vaguely back to where the public square is.

"You don't have to," Tor'me said, reassuringly. "I'm thinking we go down to Galvana."

...

That was... honestly, a bit embarrassing to hear, simply because that idea didn't occur to them in the moment, what with the excitement of a runaway diplomat hanging over their head. Besides, even if any leader or otherwise of Galvana were to try to put them in danger, all they really stood to gain from this were benefits, either learning more about Galvana, or making more progress with diplomacy after putting themselves at a more easily approachable level.

With these realizations coming to It'kara's mind, they finally eased up and the anxiety was gone. They still worried about how Joshua was feeling, and about anything they might be able to do to mitigate that, but ultimately, this is first and foremost a learning experience for just about everybody involved. It's alright if a few missteps or mistakes are made, as long as they're addressed.

Wordlessly, Tor'me could see this change in It'kara and stood away a little bit to take a look back down to the planet through the window. It'kara joined him, watching the sand get kicked up by the tires of the car. All of this would have to change tomorrow, regardless of how things go on from here.

From murder to kidnapping children, Galvana demonstrated the consequences of what they strived for. Thankfully, at least to some degree, with their general inability to sustain themselves without taking from other communities, they did not have any way to reach further than the immediate desert area around them. But what they were able to steal had it's own impacts.

Joshua was tense.

Coming out of the ship, he could feel his insides pressing against each other harder than they ever have, either from blunt force trauma or exhaustion. And while the sand dunes themselves were smooth enough to drive over, that did nothing but unease him... somehow.

"But yeah, it's like all one thing up there! The ship's like... almost alive, and can change itself into just about anything they might need!"

'Ichael was talking the entire ride back. It wasn't even to Joshua in particular... as far as Joshua cared right now. Other things were on his mind. Mostly... whatever he was going to tell Brandenson about what's happened.

As they drove on, he could hear cars from inside Galvana - heavy ones.

Soon enough, Joshua and 'Ichael came  to the gate to Galvana, and the doors opened to reveal Bran on the other side, waiting with another officer by his side.

God, no time to relax today? I feel like I'm going to pass out.

  "Oh, shit. He probably won't be happy to see me in here, huh?" 'Ichael piped up, realizing the way things might go if he stayed. Joshua couldn't bring himself to reply at this point however, with his mind wandering everywhere.

"Here, I'll just hide myself."

"I know you're in the car, 'Ichael!"

Bran shouted across the distance, largely to make his voice heard over the noise of other military vehicles moving around... but he also definitely didn't sound cheery in his tone either.

Joshua could see the young man's face in the rear view mirror deflate in enthusiasm, especially as the car drove further past the gates, and Bran stepped up to the rear passenger door, and opened it.

"Come on. Out," he said, a bit forcefully. 'Ichael relented, and slouched out of the jeep.

"What were you doing in there?"

He kept his head low, likely to keep the officer from hearing him.

"Just having some fun. Like... I wouldn't have even known anything was going on unless I went."

"I wouldn't have told you?" Bran whispered as a rhetorical question, likely also trying to not let the officer hear him. "Look, I get it's boring here. But don't go doing shit like this. We don't know what they want up there."

"I do," 'Ichael said, rather matter-of-factually. "I talked to them. They seem like nice people."

Joshua saw from the side-view mirror that Bran seemed astonished now, maybe more so than he was upset at this point.

"You talked to them," he repeated. 'Ichael nodded. He looked back over to Joshua, still trying to keep himself calm. "I'm assuming things went well enough then?" he said more audibly now.

Joshua looked over at the officer, who was writing something into a clipboard, not even looking at anybody else. "Uh... Sure," he said, trying to smile at Bran.

Bran looked down at the ground, thinking. Eventually though, the officer looked back up from their scribbles, and Bran turned back to 'Ichael.

"I'm more concerned for your safety than anything else, alright?" he started whispering again. "I will find time to let you know what's happening, just... don't keep doing this, alright?"

After a long pause, 'Ichael nodded.

"Okay, now go back to camp. Like we usually do."

Just after saying this, Bran pretended to shove 'Ichael away, and 'Ichael pretended along with the motion, keeping up the show of authority. "You make sure he knows I said that," Bran added to really sell the emotion down, and off 'Ichael went, likely rolling the idea of the aliens over and over again in his head.

Some silence came and went. Then Bran walked up to Joshua, who remembered again that he was part of the conversation, and sat upright.

"We'll talk more in my office. Park that and meet me there."

"Wait. Back at the warehouse?" Joshua nervously asked. He wasn't scared of 'John', especially not right now, but his residual emotions didn't exactly make that clear.

"He's not gonna do anything to you. I made sure. And, if he does... I'll hear about it. Right?"

After a long, tense stare from 'John', Joshua walked out of the warehouse, not even looking back at the hulk. As soon as Joshua was far enough away for 'John', his attempt at intimidation was followed by a frantic check of the inside of the cab for what Joshua could only assume to be what 'he' thought was... whatever he thought he'd do in a hot car in the desert. Even from behind a building wall, Joshua could see him frantically wiping down every surface of the inside of the car. Joshua couldn't help but just laugh at the show.

But the levity dissipated quickly as Joshua walked back through the still empty streets. His emotions rang through his head all over again as he walked back to Bran's office, past the doors of the Tower's lobby.

Initially, Joshua lost his way to his office as he looked for it, forgetting that it was behind a wooden door as opposed to the steel doors that surrounded him.

"Yeah, hey! Come in, sit down," Bran stated quickly and quietly, covering the receiver of a landline phone.

While the worries of the day were still lingering, Joshua did as he said. Even then, it took him a while to shove the door closed behind him.

"Well, that's just going to have to go to someone else then. I have plenty of things to worry about," The conversation on the phone continued, and Bran looked bored with it already. "And if you have an issue with that, you know who to talk to about it," he added defiantly before placing the phone back on the rest.

Joshua tried his best to sit up straight. After everything that's happened today, he felt rather deflated.

"Sorry about that, someone's trying to look for the Admiral still." Bran looked at Joshua, as the bags just below his eyes seemed to get a little bit darker as the light shifted slightly on his face.

"Who's looking for him?" Joshua asked, rather automatically.

"No one you need to worry about, it's fine." Bran's hand waved lazily, and fell back down to the desk in a thud. "It's not what you're here for anyway." After he was done talking, he shifted himself into a more relaxed position, as if some life had just been absorbed into his body that wasn't there before. "So... how'd it go up there?"

"Uh..." Joshua breathed out, as he rediscovered the binder that was still in his hand, and brought out the small notes he wrote down in a frenzy while making his way back to the surface.

Bran was stunned by the small, short list of notes, and looked at him questioningly before taking them in his hand to read.

...

...

After a brief moment of scanning with his eyes, Bran placed the paper back down and sighed.

"Joshua, I love you... but I can't read your handwriting."

"Look," Joshua began as his anxiety started peaking again, "I wasn't trying to make it look like that, I was under pressure. You don't know--"

Joshua couldn't really tell just how loudly he was speaking right now, and it caught both of them off guard. Bran's face grew more serious and concerned, and he raised both of his hands up to try to interrupt him. "Woah! Hey, hey! Calm down, calm down."

Joshua stopped talking, but the urge to let everything burst was still there, and Bran could tell.

Who couldn't tell at this point? He's clearly not doing well.

"Are you okay, Joshua?" Bran asked, quietly.

Joshua's heart was beating hard. "No. I... I'm not sure..."

"Okay. What... what even happened up there?"

Where to begin?

"They... they had translators, I could understand them and they understood me..."

"Okay," Bran simply replied, leaving room for Joshua to continue.

"They took us through, gave us something they called a vaccine cocktail, and... a lot of people from that village were in that ship, just walking around..."

Bran didn't reply again, instead opting to let everything continue.

"'Ichael opted to walk around with one of them with a translator... I was with the other one, which offered me food and... it... it was the best thing I've ever tasted..."

Still, Bran's silence continued, but... at this point now it was largely coming from confusion as opposed to concern.

"They... they brought the shield down to keep us from getting there... and they have no distinct leader to talk to... When that was brought up, I tried to talk about Galvana's reasons for... attacking..."

The confusion was only becoming more apparent in Bran's face.

"I think they know more than they're letting show... or they have other motivations..." Joshua was going to continue ranting, but... after seeing Bran's face, he stopped dead in his tracks.

Bran's eyes wandered now. "Okay..." he said, slowly and thoughtfully. "Now... let me make sure I understand what you want me to understand. And... to try to keep this short, give me only one answer. For every question."

Joshua's anxiety was still very present, but as Bran said this, he felt his heart calm down, as he felt more embarrassed trying to explain himself.

"So... they... gave you a... vaccine?"

"Yes." Joshua was having a hard time not saying more than that.

"And... you said the people from the village were there? Did they seem.. scared? Like... at all?"

Joshua, admittedly, didn't pay much attention to them. But, from what he could remember...

"Not that I could see."

"Then they gave 'Ichael a tour, from which he seemed to gather they - I'm assuming both the villagers and the aliens - are nice people..."

Joshua couldn't answer, because Bran still wasn't done talking.

"...meanwhile, the other one, the other alien... gave you food and... explained themself and their society to you. Then after that, you talked more politics, which... I'm assuming made you like how you are now?"

After a pause, Joshua meekly nodded.

"But... did something else happen during that? Something... different from how they were treating you?"

Another pause. Joshua felt like he knew where Bran's attitude was coming from, but answered anyways.

"Well... they were trying to be... even more disarming... and... nice."

"More nice." Bran stated, almost monotonically. "As in... nicer than they already were?"

"What are you trying to say?" Joshua stated, his anxiety still present, but underlined with some frustration.

"Look, I'm just trying to understand what they did to make you... the way you are right now."

"Do you just want me to trust them?"

"No, Joshua. I wouldn't expect you to immediately trust them... but after everything you yourself have told me they did, I'm more inclined to trust them. I just don't understand why you wouldn't right now."

"Well, why are they being that way? I don't trust how they're acting."

...

...

...

...What??

"...What??"

Joshua could feel his face become hot with embarrassment. Rightly so, because this doesn't make any sense.

Oh, fuck off.

"Them not immediately killing you or otherwise harming you is a red flag to you???" Bran asked, only slightly raising his voice, in spite of how bewildered he was.

"Well why wouldn't they do it already, if not to trick us into a more vulnerable situation," Joshua angrily asserted.

"Joshua, they have a goddamn spaceship," Bran retorted, leaving almost no time between the two statements. "Them hanging over us is already pretty vulnerable, I would say."

Joshua sighed in exasperation, turning to his side and staring angrily at the floor.

"To continue that point... you talking about how you see them and that behavior as shifty..." Bran gestured to him from his seat, clearly trying to make him look back to him. When he didn't relent, Bran continued. "I'd argue they're probably worried about what you're trying to do, especially if them being nice to you made you so nervous around them. Hell, thinking more from their perspective... The first people they interacted with were the people we were trying to kill. That doesn't paint a good first impression of us, so the fact that they even tried to be hospitable to you... even giving you 'the best food I've ever eaten'... That... That's literally the best case scenario of being diplomatic at this point!!!!"

We don't know what they want out of us. What if they're lying?

If they had ulterior motives, why did they protect the village at all, Joshua?

...

"I'm still not trusting them. There's plenty from this situation that we don't understand."

Bran's hands thudded onto the desk as he sat back in his chair. Silence grew in the room as the both of them seemed to have ran out of things they felt like saying.

Eventually, Bran pulled a pencil from a cup sitting next to him, and started writing on one of the papers that were sitting out from earlier. Finally, Joshua looked back and saw he was writing out a report, being delicate with the paper and pencil in his hands. It was a report, as far as he could tell.

As Bran finished writing, he pulled the paper up, merged it with a few other papers to the side, and tapped them onto the desk to line them up neatly.

"Anyways, I'll be getting this to the General. You're basically done for the day." As he said this, Brandenson stood up from the chair and scraped something off of his shirt and pants. Eraser shavings, probably. "That being said..." he continued as he approached the door, "you'll be doing more of this tomorrow... and I'm coming with you."

Worry crossed Joshua's face quickly.

"That's not negotiable, by the way. I'm coming with you." He held the door open wide. "Maybe it'll help us settle down your paranoia. Or prove I'm wrong."

Bran's voice was rather monotone, which indicated to Joshua he didn't really believe that this would do anything to convince him he might be wrong--

--or in Joshua's head, as far as I can see, 'he is wrong'--

--but it was enough to make him also stand up, and walk out of the room, exhaling along the way.

Joshua found himself stopping in the hallway, and he turned around to see Bran was still watching him.

"Uh... thanks for getting 'Ichael out of the car." Joshua started, quietly. No one else was in the hallway, but it didn't feel good to be louder either. "Admittedly him being there with me didn't help with my... disposition, or whatever."

"Yeah," Bran quietly replied. "I mean..." he continued with a laugh, turning his face to the floor and rubbing his chin. "...you know he'll probably try again anyways, right?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah..." Bran said again. "And hey," he added, turning back to Joshua, "don't give him a hard time, okay?"

"I'll try not to."